Do you have impossibly high expectations of yourself? Do you struggle with perfectionism or thinking you’ll never be as good as “everyone else” in your area of expertise? Do you jump from one achievement to the next without taking time to really honour and celebrate your successes? If so, you are most definitely not alone!
Many of us battle with these thoughts on a regular basis as we compare our work or achievements to the plethora of examples on the internet, in the news or around us day to day. We forget that “different” doesn’t mean “better” and that what we offer is also valuable, important and needed! We don’t always see that even the people who appear to be succeeding beyond what’s humanly possible still experience challenges, bad days, hard times and self-doubt.
Furthermore, those of us who take our personal growth seriously can sometimes be the first to think we are not doing enough “bettering” and we place heavier and larger burdens on ourselves continuously. We can neglect pausing to reflect on everything we HAVE accomplished and we focus instead on the unfinished to-do lists looming in the dark corners of our mind. Let’s stop biting ourselves and start to play nice!
This week, I suggest that you make time to pause, breath and get grounded. From there, I invite you to look at how you define “accomplishments”, “success” or “achievements”. Go ahead and write out the definition you abide by, along with examples (from your own life, those around you or even celebrities etc).
Now that your definition and examples are on paper, examine what words you wrote. Does your idea of success involve external or public recognition such as awards, certificates, diplomas or even words of affirmation from a specific person or group? Is it tied to material belongings or specific items checked off a list? Is it attached to status, a certain position at work or a certain amount of money that you earn? Or is it attached to your internal experience; how you feel physically or emotionally, how those around you benefit from your actions or even some personal insight you’ve gained?
It can be interesting to investigate where our ideas of success come from too— perhaps from an old story we picked up along the way or a value learned from a trusted mentor etc. With whatever insight you’ve gathered from this investigation, you then get to decide if you’re happy with your original definition of success or if you would like to revise it! If a revision feels warranted, write it out anew…
Finally, after one more nice breath in, exhale all of the pressure and expectations and self-perceived “failures” you’re hanging onto. Then take some time to really reflect on what you have accomplished during the last few months or year (depending what time frame feels significant to you). If you’re having a hard time listing successes, reach out to trusted friends or loved ones and get their feedback. Have them write something nice about you, your character, your influence on those around you or the personal journey you’ve been on to get where you are today. I had my friends do this at my Birthday Celebration this month and it was so heartwarming and encouraging! I suggest you keep these messages someone accessible and within sight to reference any time you catch yourself being hard on you! Those around us who adore us often have the positive feedback and difference in perspective we need to view ourselves in a new light and to boost our confidence!
Now, I’m still rewriting my definition of success, but I know it no longer holds onto the social norms I picked up along the way in a desperation to find acceptance and love. My new definition will read something like this: “Success for me can be measured in the amount of joy and peace I feel and spread day to day, and how authentically I show up for myself and others.”
My list of successes over the past year or so, which were spelled out in the invitation for my Birthday Celebration, did not involve “publishing a book, getting in shape, or making more money” which are all on the to-do list somewhere. Instead, my list was about what had brought me closer to understanding and being ME; self-awareness, clarity about my identity and my ability to live and express myself authentically. These are huge accomplishments and DANG did I ever work hard to get here!
The outside world didn’t see the behind-the-scenes work (only my close friends and family that saw me through it), but that doesn’t mean the successes, the accomplishments, the achievements are not there. Because they are, and they are measured in the increase of happiness, groundedness and peace that I feel. These kinds of accomplishments are not fleeting ones where you receive an accolade that gives you a momentary sense of accomplishment. I’m talking about the kinds of accomplishments that change your life forever. The ones that change how you relate to yourself and others, how you show up and express yourself, speak your truth, live your passions, do what is meaningful and fulfilling to you, how you care for yourself, know and honour your own boundaries, heal your wounds, and inspire others to do the same.
Life is never going to be perfect or without pain or challenges or barriers. But it can be more authentic and joyful, I believe. And isn’t that a definition of “success” that you can get behind?
Celebrate YOU, all of you wild creative creatures out there, because you’re doing great! Share YOUR definition of success below or on socials with #artofnonsensesuccess
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Pssst- what I write in this blog is a reflection of my own ideas and experiences and/or interpretations of any referenced material. The content of this blog is for entertainment and/or informational purposes only. I am not an expert or therapist and cannot be held liable for any content provided or how it is used. Please enjoy at your own discretion. I reserve the right to change the content or management of this blog at any time. That said, I hope you enjoy it! © 2024 Kristy Anne Fae All Rights Reserved.
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